There's a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Just Another Manic Monday
I started writing 'this' blog on Monday morning. The Monday after Easter Sunday. Then I started again on Wednesday. It started out funny actually, when I usually don't write that funny (well, nowhere near my usual thoughts or dialogues or texts with friends...you all know this). But here I am late Saturday night trying to finish (that's what she said..Yes! I got funny again) and we all know, well, those of us that write, how much harder it can be if you leave thoughts unfinished, or a blog like I have, undone. I will share what I started with.....
My fat fucking cat woke me up at 7:30am this morning. Yes, I said 'fucking', yes I was angry. That wonderful fat thing knows the rules. Mama comes into her bedroom for bed, wonderful fat cat leaves his post under the bed should he still be there. There is no sleeping in Mama's room overnight. You're a cat, and master, yes, but Mama still has rules. And damn, the cat has time! Mama undresses, takes off mascara and washes her face. Come on, Harley! Is it that hard to get out from under the bed? (Maybe I should really evaulate that question... Harley ain't gettin' any younger or smaller.) Well, after sighing, not getting back to sleep, checking my phone that didn't even beep or ding this morning (I truly have no friends) I thought, Well, shit, I DID get almost 9 hours of amazing sleep, I AM child-free today, and well, at least the fat cat didn't sit on me...
Jokes aside, what a weekend. Kinda nice at parts, (church, sister hang-outs, seeing my mom) kinda shit otherwise (A 5 year old with control-issues, a 29 year old with control issues, or as he can be called, the Boyfriend that wasn't a Boyfriend.) I have been making strides with The Diet that started on April 1st. (No, the irony of starting a diet on Fool's Day was not lost on me.) I have lost 5 pounds, or at least I did within the first 6 days. Good Friday proved to be Drunk Friday, in a not good way.
Oh Little Lisa, my inner thoughts say...between men and wine when will you learn??
I swear I'm trying.
I used my sister's advice to my benefit these past few weeks. She told me to allow myself to wallow, suffer, be mad, sad etc, for the rest of the month of March. Start over in April. And start over I have. But then how do blips, dips or greyness just wham bam thank you ma'am into my new-ish golden state?
Well yes, it can be the excess wine. Feels great going down, not so good later that night, or the next morning. But I think I'm still evolving. I have been mindful of my diet this month, know how great it is to feel great, have ramped up my workouts, reading everything I can, and oh yeah, realizing I deserve the world, goddammit!
Did I mention I may go back to school?
AND THERE I STOPPED.
And I can't even remember why. I can't remember the actual reason I stopped writing. Especially when I had a lot of thoughts, or seemingly so. Mondays my thoughts are vivid, but also random, just like my Sunday night dreams. I remember the memories of those dreams interrupting my writing. Remembered all the shit of Saturday then Sunday and I remembered in silence I guess. And just stopped typing.
Monday afternoon I had a "usual" lunch date with R. In "usual" I mean, we normally see each other on a Monday, and normally frequent the same spot. It is normally over six hours and I normally don't get much else done on a Monday that I see him. At least I squeezed in a morning run.
I needed him to play friend, man obsessed with me and complimenting galore (ha ha, check!) and as of late, and again, therapist.
So we discussed the Boyfriend that wasn't a Boyfriend, men in general, making money (no, not as in men + money = being an escort, but yes, I realize I'd be a great one when I sit at One in Yorkville) me possibly going back to university, and a slew of other things including why I'm not organized with so many parts of my life. Maybe adding unorganized blogging is suitable.....SIGH.
So, "at the end of the day", of all Mondays...
Did I find all my answers? No.
Can I find any way to finish this blog? No.
Is it almost Monday again? Yes.
Let's talk then.
My fat fucking cat woke me up at 7:30am this morning. Yes, I said 'fucking', yes I was angry. That wonderful fat thing knows the rules. Mama comes into her bedroom for bed, wonderful fat cat leaves his post under the bed should he still be there. There is no sleeping in Mama's room overnight. You're a cat, and master, yes, but Mama still has rules. And damn, the cat has time! Mama undresses, takes off mascara and washes her face. Come on, Harley! Is it that hard to get out from under the bed? (Maybe I should really evaulate that question... Harley ain't gettin' any younger or smaller.) Well, after sighing, not getting back to sleep, checking my phone that didn't even beep or ding this morning (I truly have no friends) I thought, Well, shit, I DID get almost 9 hours of amazing sleep, I AM child-free today, and well, at least the fat cat didn't sit on me...
Jokes aside, what a weekend. Kinda nice at parts, (church, sister hang-outs, seeing my mom) kinda shit otherwise (A 5 year old with control-issues, a 29 year old with control issues, or as he can be called, the Boyfriend that wasn't a Boyfriend.) I have been making strides with The Diet that started on April 1st. (No, the irony of starting a diet on Fool's Day was not lost on me.) I have lost 5 pounds, or at least I did within the first 6 days. Good Friday proved to be Drunk Friday, in a not good way.
Oh Little Lisa, my inner thoughts say...between men and wine when will you learn??
I swear I'm trying.
I used my sister's advice to my benefit these past few weeks. She told me to allow myself to wallow, suffer, be mad, sad etc, for the rest of the month of March. Start over in April. And start over I have. But then how do blips, dips or greyness just wham bam thank you ma'am into my new-ish golden state?
Well yes, it can be the excess wine. Feels great going down, not so good later that night, or the next morning. But I think I'm still evolving. I have been mindful of my diet this month, know how great it is to feel great, have ramped up my workouts, reading everything I can, and oh yeah, realizing I deserve the world, goddammit!
Did I mention I may go back to school?
AND THERE I STOPPED.
And I can't even remember why. I can't remember the actual reason I stopped writing. Especially when I had a lot of thoughts, or seemingly so. Mondays my thoughts are vivid, but also random, just like my Sunday night dreams. I remember the memories of those dreams interrupting my writing. Remembered all the shit of Saturday then Sunday and I remembered in silence I guess. And just stopped typing.
Monday afternoon I had a "usual" lunch date with R. In "usual" I mean, we normally see each other on a Monday, and normally frequent the same spot. It is normally over six hours and I normally don't get much else done on a Monday that I see him. At least I squeezed in a morning run.
I needed him to play friend, man obsessed with me and complimenting galore (ha ha, check!) and as of late, and again, therapist.
So we discussed the Boyfriend that wasn't a Boyfriend, men in general, making money (no, not as in men + money = being an escort, but yes, I realize I'd be a great one when I sit at One in Yorkville) me possibly going back to university, and a slew of other things including why I'm not organized with so many parts of my life. Maybe adding unorganized blogging is suitable.....SIGH.
So, "at the end of the day", of all Mondays...
Did I find all my answers? No.
Can I find any way to finish this blog? No.
Is it almost Monday again? Yes.
Let's talk then.
No Need To Argue-The Cranberries
There’s no need to argue anymore
I gave all I could but you left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had
I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me, special to me, to me.
And I remember all the things we once shared
Watching TV movies on the living room armchair
But they say it’ll work out fine
Was it all a waste of time?
'Cuz I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me, special to me, to me.
Will I forget in time?
You said I was on your mind
There’s no need to argue
No need to argue anymore
There’s no need to argue anymore.
I gave all I could but you left me so sore
And the thing that makes me mad
Is the one thing that I had
I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me, special to me, to me.
And I remember all the things we once shared
Watching TV movies on the living room armchair
But they say it’ll work out fine
Was it all a waste of time?
'Cuz I knew, I knew, I’d lose you
You’ll always be special to me, special to me, to me.
Will I forget in time?
You said I was on your mind
There’s no need to argue
No need to argue anymore
There’s no need to argue anymore.
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