The trip is booked.
And already there has been excitement
friendship rekindled
There have been good-byes
a pleasant confrontation
bad news, anxiety and anticipation
reunions
lies
arguments about the past, about money
over-the-top gifts
questions, plans and explanations
unexplainable dreams
sister support
The trip is booked. The first one since my newer life.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
John Lee Hooker
I waited all night long
in the pouring rain
searching for my baby
I was drinking black coffee in a paper cup
and smoking foreign cigarettes
And when the sun in the sky
came up early in the morning
I said, Lord, Lord, Lord
Lord, Lord, Lord
Lord, bring my baby back
Bring my baby back
I cover the waterfront.
in the pouring rain
searching for my baby
I was drinking black coffee in a paper cup
and smoking foreign cigarettes
And when the sun in the sky
came up early in the morning
I said, Lord, Lord, Lord
Lord, Lord, Lord
Lord, bring my baby back
Bring my baby back
I cover the waterfront.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Breaks
It is time for a break. A break that may be harder to endure than anticipated. No, I won't entirely quit, I know I can't quit, don't need to quit. I stated this to a friend last night on the phone. At least she agreed. Baby steps. I mean, really, this is me here. I am not a quitter.
But I see how a break may be necessary, at whatever the hell time of my life I am in (though sometimes, I really am having the time of my life...I do see that amidst the chaos.)
It's become a habit of sorts, something that occurs most every day. Why stop now?, one would ask, when you're still having so much fun and in control? Well, isn't that how habits start? Good habits gone bad, that will wind up getting their own television show? From so much fun partaking to suddenly questioning your entire existence because of the euphoria the habit brings?! Okay, I am being dramatic. But it's like I feel I have been needing it too often, sometimes every day; have been getting it every day, even in small doses at predictable times. Is it making me truly happier? Is it making me a better person? Am I calmer, more relaxed from it? Hard to tell. I'm pretty good on my own as well, I think. Or at least I hope I am.
So maybe it's a crutch, or a crush. I am in love perhaps. I don't usually say no anymore. Maybe it's all just spring fever.
Just yesterday, mid day, in a public place, I said yes- gave in- for two hours. I mean, really! Two hours! And I was with my friend! Okay, granted, she had the intelligence to say no. But I didn't think twice. Was asked once, said yes, felt good when it all went down, so to speak. I smiled a lot afterwards. I still went home when my friend had to leave. The session, unplanned, seemed much shorter in duration actually. Hmmm.......it was a great two hours.
Well, tonight there is change. There will be none of it going on in this house tonight, or anywhere else for me tonight for that matter.
So......
I will miss you, dear, loyal wine, feisty vodka, sophisticated champagne, laid back beer...miss you all indeed. But you have to understand I can't see you all the time. It's just not always healthy for me, not a good match some days. But don't worry, this green tea I am sipping won't ever replace you. The lemon flavoured water and juice can't give me what you can. I will be back, just not as often. A break. Some days off here and there. It will be okay. I can do this!
But I see how a break may be necessary, at whatever the hell time of my life I am in (though sometimes, I really am having the time of my life...I do see that amidst the chaos.)
It's become a habit of sorts, something that occurs most every day. Why stop now?, one would ask, when you're still having so much fun and in control? Well, isn't that how habits start? Good habits gone bad, that will wind up getting their own television show? From so much fun partaking to suddenly questioning your entire existence because of the euphoria the habit brings?! Okay, I am being dramatic. But it's like I feel I have been needing it too often, sometimes every day; have been getting it every day, even in small doses at predictable times. Is it making me truly happier? Is it making me a better person? Am I calmer, more relaxed from it? Hard to tell. I'm pretty good on my own as well, I think. Or at least I hope I am.
So maybe it's a crutch, or a crush. I am in love perhaps. I don't usually say no anymore. Maybe it's all just spring fever.
Just yesterday, mid day, in a public place, I said yes- gave in- for two hours. I mean, really! Two hours! And I was with my friend! Okay, granted, she had the intelligence to say no. But I didn't think twice. Was asked once, said yes, felt good when it all went down, so to speak. I smiled a lot afterwards. I still went home when my friend had to leave. The session, unplanned, seemed much shorter in duration actually. Hmmm.......it was a great two hours.
Well, tonight there is change. There will be none of it going on in this house tonight, or anywhere else for me tonight for that matter.
So......
I will miss you, dear, loyal wine, feisty vodka, sophisticated champagne, laid back beer...miss you all indeed. But you have to understand I can't see you all the time. It's just not always healthy for me, not a good match some days. But don't worry, this green tea I am sipping won't ever replace you. The lemon flavoured water and juice can't give me what you can. I will be back, just not as often. A break. Some days off here and there. It will be okay. I can do this!
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