Next time I will be look before I leap
I will question before I trust
I will find the truth in my own knowledge and not the promises.
Next time there will be more hesitation
I will wait and so will he.
Next time I won't look past the obvious
I will listen without explaining, rationalizing or pretending.
Next time I will begin by healing my heart.
But when the next time comes
I will still laugh
I will still shine
I will still care
I will still be me
And next time, it will be better.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Family
I texted her in the middle of the afternoon.
I was sobbing.
I was shaking.
She didn't know that. Yet.
It was one simple line, few words.
"need to talk to you. now."
She replied in record speed.
"home?"
"yes"
She called within seconds and I couldn't get any words out. She let me cry, let me gasp and watited. She didn't rush with questions but she knew. Knew without asking that it was bad, that I had reached that rare moment when life makes absolutely no sense.
We are like that, we don't really have to explain. When I did explain, she made 'it' better, made me better, all by listening, all by her words and the comfort that I felt through the phone even with our miles and miles apart.
After our conversation, (easily twenty minutes while she was at work) I managed to get through my day. It's how we are. With the daily e-mails, texts and calls there is the grateful laughter beyond words. But sadly too, there are moments like this. Tough, gut wrenching moments that in them, come the helplessness and lack of hope that no one wants to share, not even me. But I do share because I have to. Because I only manage through the talks, through the communication and luckily, thankfully, she is there. Always. Lately, I haven't shared with or reached out to as many people. I am tired of myself, tired of the forks in the road and having no real explanation of things. When I feel that everyone is busier, everyone is more important in the 'real world', it leads to feeling like few people understand.
In moments like this there is my family. She is not related by blood though we already know we are the 'other' sister to one another.
I am glad she will see this thank you.
I was sobbing.
I was shaking.
She didn't know that. Yet.
It was one simple line, few words.
"need to talk to you. now."
She replied in record speed.
"home?"
"yes"
She called within seconds and I couldn't get any words out. She let me cry, let me gasp and watited. She didn't rush with questions but she knew. Knew without asking that it was bad, that I had reached that rare moment when life makes absolutely no sense.
We are like that, we don't really have to explain. When I did explain, she made 'it' better, made me better, all by listening, all by her words and the comfort that I felt through the phone even with our miles and miles apart.
After our conversation, (easily twenty minutes while she was at work) I managed to get through my day. It's how we are. With the daily e-mails, texts and calls there is the grateful laughter beyond words. But sadly too, there are moments like this. Tough, gut wrenching moments that in them, come the helplessness and lack of hope that no one wants to share, not even me. But I do share because I have to. Because I only manage through the talks, through the communication and luckily, thankfully, she is there. Always. Lately, I haven't shared with or reached out to as many people. I am tired of myself, tired of the forks in the road and having no real explanation of things. When I feel that everyone is busier, everyone is more important in the 'real world', it leads to feeling like few people understand.
In moments like this there is my family. She is not related by blood though we already know we are the 'other' sister to one another.
I am glad she will see this thank you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)