Waiting

I'm waiting for news of all sorts and none of it good. I am living inside my head, my thoughts and my weak body that it trying to hold on. They say when life is ending another begins but there isn't always that kind of ironic happy ending.

I knew something was wrong after my birthday when I drove to the hospital. I looked at him and knew. Saw the doctor days later and knew further still. I didn't need to hear the man in the white coat say 'weeks' or 'make what little time is left comfortable'. Although things aren't grey at the moment, I wait on pins and needles for the storm to return.

And in my stomach it is stormy too. I just don't feel right in any way and on top of it all is the heaviness of being alone. Or at least feeling that way. So many signs of late and so many warnings. When your back is turned and your guard is down....

Tonight I did get fresh air and later, hopefully, sleep (just as the text I read last night ordered me to do). I leaned against the ledge of my balcony and just tried to breathe. And I looked high above at the simple yet important cross on the church and just said prayer after prayer for all of us.