Breathe

It really is a difficult time, he writes me. I am glad he is honest. His ex-wife's family went through the same ordeal while they were in South Africa. I told him I didn't know what to do. I just stared back at the screen and read the words I had sent him. He told me to support my mom and allow myself to be sad.

I am sad this morning because the sun came up and nothing got better. It wasn't a dream, a weird dream like the ones I have almost every night. The news is real and it's scary. So now I cry. I am crying for the unknown and for my father and the cancer diagnosis that is his alone.

I know he knows we are here, but it's still hard to swallow that his life is now somewhat fragile. It's hard to know how to not be fragile myself.I saw him yesterday. Right before we all found out. It was the only time before knowing the news that it was possible that he really could be that sick. He just didn't look like himself.

I will see him tomorrow.

I don't know what to do today, other than try to get more sleep and do the things I would normally do on a Tuesday. I wonder what he's doing right now and what thoughts lie within.

I want to take my dad out for a drink, wish I had done that months ago before all this. His schedule is doctors and hospitals now. There's no going back after news like this. You push through and get through, together. We will get him better.