When you all too often wait for the other shoe to drop, you'd think you'd be more prepared for when it does. But nothing prepares you for moments when your heart may tear even if you worried it was about to happen and held on tight for the roller coaster dip.
I am wondering if he has caused more stress than pleasure. More waiting time than face time. The waiting for him every now and then, to make up his mind. I have waited on the brink when you try and remind yourself that you too, indeed, have a voice in it all.....it can't just be up to him. You hold your breath and think this is it; this is finally the time he will risk feeling what he hasn't felt before. Push forward, make the leap, want to feel the commitment. When it doesn't happen well, you tried. Again. Best wait for next time to see if next time goes to plan.
So when do you give up? I don't like quitting, especially in love. I fail to understand how it's possible for the other not to see how good it is, that good connection that goes great, the way so much has evolved in the span of the relationship when both people even admit it was better than before.
Giving up is harder now. There is more to lose. You risk being alone again. The dating is daunting, you have given it up. And all for good reason. Not to mention you got used to his body, his touch, his laugh when he really thought you were funny. So much, in so much more time than you thought you had. But the waiting. The breaks. When do you give up?
So now I may have had it. It was a sensitive day after a fucked up night. Where does eating exist in a day like today? What are the tears for if there wasn't even a break-up? Where the fuck do I stand or why can't I take a stand?
Maybe it's time to just end the waiting game. Begin over and not again.
